Broken Winged Crane
by Wandering Namekian
Summary: Five scenes of Anglo-Japanese relations from 1902 through 1950. UK/Japan.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Axis Powers Hetalia._

**A/N: **I wrote this well over a year ago. It was one of my first Hetalia fics, and it is probably my favorite, because I rarely do work like this. It's much sadder and more serious than the things I usually write. And I like that about it. It was a gift for an exchange for Christmas on the UK/Japan LJ community, and the prompt was "four times they almost kissed and one time they did."

**Summary:** Five scenes of Anglo-Japanese relations from 1902 through 1950. UK/Japan.

**Broken-Winged Crane **

**1902**

"I'm not really sure about this," England said, looking uncertainly from the calligraphy brush to the the ink well.

"Do you no longer wish to learn?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that I'm fairly certain I'm going to do this wrong."

"Don't worry about that. No one does it perfectly on their first try."

"But I've barely learned the kanji to begin with."

"I'll let you look at the kanji you're trying to write. Here, I did one of this symbol before." Kiku unrolled a scroll onto the table, showing a perfect version of the symbol England was trying to copy.

"What is this symbol? I haven't seen it before."

"Oh, it's the kanji that I've chosen to use to represent your nation in my language."

"What else does it mean?"

Japan smiled a bit. "I'm sure you can find out on your own. You're learning the language, after all."

England rolled his eyes, but dipped the brush into the ink. He made the first stroke, a line across the top half of the page. He then made a second stroke, down the middle.

Kiku inhaled sharply.

"Did I do something wrong?" England asked, looking from Kiku's example to his piece of maple paper, trying to see exactly what he'd done wrong. The differences were those between teacher and student, Kiku's scroll was beautiful and flawless, England's was clearly done by shaky, inexperienced hands, but it appeared to be correct in theory.

"That's the wrong order, England-san."

"Order?"

"You have to do the strokes in a certain order or it isn't correct."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Of course it does. You have to put the letters in a certain order to form a word in English. Furthermore, you must make sure that all the letters are written correctly as well. This is a similar idea."

"How do I know which ones come first?"

"That has to be learned, but I can tell you for now. The first stroke you did was the right one."

Nearly half an hour later and England was still trying to copy the kanji perfectly. "I don't feel as if I'm getting any better."

Kiku leaned over his shoulder. "You're holding the brush too tightly. You need to relax. It won't look natural if you don't."

"How am I supposed to hold it?"

"Like this." Kiku took England's hand in both of his and carefully placed each finger in a new position on the brush.

"I'm really not sure this is going to work."

"If you promise to try it again, I'll tell you what it means."

"Deal."

Kiku realized he hadn't let go of England's hand, but also realized that he didn't really want to yet. "In addition to now being the symbol for 'England,' that symbol means 'gifted,' 'talented,' 'distinguished' and 'brilliant.'" As he said each word, he and England grew closer together, although Kiku wasn't sure if he was leaning forward more or if England was leaning back. For a fleeting instant, he considered leaning over a few more inches to kiss him on the cheek.

Kiku shook himself mentally. What was he thinking? He could feel his face burning hotly, just from the image. He had no right to think such things. He was lucky that England was even willing to be his friend. He let go of England's hand and took a few steps back, trying to take deep breaths without being too noticeable.

England was silent for a few more moments, then said. "As flattering as that is, I think I would prefer it if _you_ called me Arthur."

Kiku smiled. "In that case, you should call me Kiku."

Arthur returned his smile. "Alright."

"Now, Arthur-san, are you ready to finish?"

Arthur sighed. "I did promise, didn't I?"

**1905**

"I hope you'll enjoy the show. It's been quite popular here in London since its debut in January. I hope it's a fitting celebration," Arthur said.

"I'm already very grateful to you for inviting me in the first place," Kiku answered.

"How could I not? You need a break, I know that was a hard war for you. But I'm proud of you. You defeated Russia, other countries will have to acknowledge you now."

"Perhaps." Kiku looked at the ground. He realized that getting European nations to acknowledge him, as he was an Asian nation, would be difficult, but what more could he do? He'd industrialized his entire nation in less time than it had taken anyone else. He'd restructured his entire economy, and with Arthur's help he was now competing with some of the richest nations in the world. He'd colonized Korea and pieces of China, and now he'd defeated Russia, a powerful European nation, in war. But he doubted much would change.

The only one who'd treated him as an equal was Arthur. The only cities where he felt truly welcome were in England.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, Kiku. This is supposed to be a celebration."

Kiku looked up at him. "No. I'm sorry for getting lost in my own thoughts like that, Arthur-san."

"Don't worry about it." Arthur pointed down the street. "There's the theater."

As they approached the theater, it struck Kiku as strange that there was no one standing in front of it, and that the ticket booth seemed to be closed. Arthur's face suddenly fell and he reached into his jacket and took the tickets out of his pocket. "It started at seven, not eight. I'm really sorry. I guess this isn't turning out to be much of a celebration after all."

"I'll be here for a week, we can go tomorrow, if you would like."

"I guess you're right. I feel bad for dragging you out here though."

"Actually, I was going to ask if we could take a walk while we were here. I haven't seen much of London at night before."

"Alright. We're fairly close to Regent's Park, we could go there. I don't think I've shown you that park before."

As they walked through the park, Kiku patiently listened to Arthur explain various facts about the park, and tell a few personal stories. Although he was truly enjoying the sites and thought the park was beautiful, he soon noticed he was getting very cold. He hadn't been expecting to be outside for so long, as they'd been planning on going to a play. He tried to act as if he was perfectly comfortable, which worked for a while, until he started shivering.

"And that was when the ice cracked and I fell right into the lake. It was awful. They fixed it after, but I didn't go skating on that lake again for another twenty ye—" Arthur looked back to Kiku from the frozen lake he'd been gesturing toward. "You look like you're freezing."

"I-I'm quite alright. Please, continue."

Arthur shook his head. "Here, take this." He took his coat off.

"No, I don't need—"

"Kiku, you're shivering." Arthur wrapped the coat around him, his hands running across Kiku's shoulders, then down the lapels, making sure it was even. His hands lingered there, even after the coat was perfectly straight.

Kiku looked up at him. He could see the clouds from their breaths drifting up into the air above them. "Thank you, Arthur-san."

Arthur smiled at him. Kiku wished that he could lean up and kiss him, just once. Once, and he would be satisfied. If there was someway he could do it, and Arthur would forget about it afterward, then he would; but that was impossible. He knew he couldn't act on his feelings. What if it cost him his alliance with Arthur? What would that mean for his people? He couldn't lose his only real European ally. More than that, Arthur was his only friend. He couldn't do that. He couldn't lose him.

Kiku took a step back, causing the coat to slip from between Arthur's hands, which fell limply back to his sides. He blinked a few times before he spoke. "We should probably head back. It's only going to get colder."

**1911**

Kiku had offered to help him make breakfast. Arthur always found it so fascinating to watch Kiku do any sort of work, because regardless of the task or it's difficulty, he always seemed to apply himself so genuinely to doing it to the best of his ability. Beyond that, Kiku was probably the most graceful person Arthur had ever seen, he never spilled anything, not even a drop of water or crumb of bread; yet despite the constant caution, his movements were fluid and confident. Arthur knew a lot of that was probably because he was so used to wearing a kimono with long sleeves and having to make every movement with that in mind, but knowing that didn't make it any less beautiful.

It amazed him that after spending nearly the entire morning watching him, Arthur had somehow managed to be unaware enough of Kiku's movements to run right into him as they were both walking across the kitchen.

"Sorry," Arthur said, mentally kicking himself. "Are you alright?" Arthur looked at Kiku, he hadn't even spilled the milk he was carrying.

"Oh yes, I'm fine, Arthur-sa...n..." Kiku looked up at him, trailing off when their eyes met.

Arthur had no idea how long they stood there, but at some point he was aware that one of them had to do something. Just as he raised his hand to touch Kiku's face, the tea kettle began to whistle very loudly from the stove. They both blinked, coming back to the real world, and Arthur quickly (but awkwardly) put his hand back at his side.

"I-I should get that," Arthur managed to say and took a very purposeful step away, although he was sure he was blushing.

"Umm, Arthur-san, the stove is over there." Kiku pointed at the stove, which happened to be in the direction opposite of the way Arthur was walking.

"O-Oh right, of course." Arthur tried weakly to laugh it off. He'd never been so annoyed by tea before in his life.

**1923**

"I wish there was another way," Arthur said.

Kiku merely nodded. "I understand, Arthur-sa— I mean, England-san. I should get used to calling you that again."

"Kiku, I don't want to do this anymore than you do."

"You have to act in your own self-interest. We're nations, we can't afford to be altruistic."

"I'm obviously not happy about this, either. Please, don't be so cold."

"I am sorry, but I don't know what else to do."

Before Arthur even knew what he was doing, he pulled Kiku into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Kiku. I won't let things stay like this, I promise." He felt Kiku lean up against him. Arthur knew he had to kiss him now. He had to prove to Kiku he wasn't lying. He had to give him some kind of insurance of his promise. He had to show him how he felt, or he might not get another chance until it was too late. Arthur placed his hand under Kiku's chin and tilted his head up.

"A-Arthur-san?"

"Please, trust me." He leaned forward and closed his eyes.

"England!" America's voice invaded the room they were standing in.

Kiku blinked, his eyes turning hard in an instant. "You can't be seen like this," he whispered, pushing himself away from Arthur. A few seconds later America walked into the room. The combination of the sudden loss of Kiku's body warmth and the sudden presence of America in the room produced a violent sort of shock that made Arthur feel slightly nauseous.

"What are you doing here, England?" America asked. "I thought you said you weren't going to spend time with Japan anymore."

Arthur didn't know what to say. Phrases like "Learn some manners, you bastard" and "Are you unaware you're ruining my life, or are you doing it on purpose, asshole?" ran through his head, but before he could say either of them, Japan spoke.

"He's not. I was just returning something of England-san's that he left at my house a while ago." He smiled politely. "I'll be going now, America-san." He looked at Arthur. "England-san."

As Kiku left the room, England couldn't help but wonder why Kiku using the same name for him as everyone else made him feel strangely empty.

"Why does he always smile like that?" America asked, bringing England back to reality. "I mean, it's obvious that he's faking it. He does it all the time though."

"Who does a fake smile hurt?" England challenged him.

America thought for a second. "No one, I guess." He shrugged and turned to leave.

"Except the person wearing it," England said, making sure it was loud enough for America to hear.

**1950**

Arthur slowly walked into the room where Kiku was sitting. He was at a table, a calligraphy brush in his hand and a half finished scroll in front of him.

"I brought you some tea, if you'd like it."

"Yes, thank you, England-san." He took the yunomi that Arthur offered him and took a sip. Arthur couldn't help but notice that his hands were shaking slightly.

"You're looking a bit better," he said delicately. Arthur wasn't quite sure what happened in the few seconds after he said it, but the entire atmosphere in the room seemed to change. Kiku's face changed from the pleasant, yet void, expression it had held a few moments before to looking as if he was verging on tears. The yunomi fell out of his hand and hit the table underneath, shattering into a thousand pieces and covering the scroll in front of him in tea. The tea gave the off white maple paper a green tinge, and caused the ink to run into the grooves of the paper, like veins carrying black blood.

Kiku leaned forward, his elbows on the table, ignoring the fact that it was covered in the ceramic pieces of his former yunomi, and placed his head in his hands. "The fact that even you won't tell me the truth... It means that my fears are correct. I'm dying, aren't I?" He gripped his head so tightly that his finger began digging into his scalp. "America makes a big show of helping me, always coming over here and trying to fix things. Other countries too. But they all know the truth. If things don't get better soon... Russia and China will... they're both so close and so powerful. Even America won't be able to protect me from them forever. I-I won't be controlled! I'd rather be dead! Even if I have to do it myself. It would be better if I ceased to exist, than to be under Russia or China's control."

As Arthur rushed over to him, he could see that pieces of the yunomi had cut through his kimono and were digging into his skin. Blood was now beginning to drip onto the scroll. He could tell that Kiku was crying from the sound of his voice. He grabbed his upper arms, firmly but gently and turned Kiku around to face him. "Kiku, you can't mean that. Think about what you're saying."

Kiku looked at him, tears streaming down his face, his eyes full of a fear mixed with a hopeless kind of anger. "You don't think I have? What do I have left to live for? I won't become some dirt poor nation that's just a memory of my former self. Especially not now. No one should be forced to live through what happened to me. I can't even sleep at night. I keep having nightmares, remembering all of the horrible things I did. I don—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Arthur pulled him forward and kissed him. The kiss wasn't full of lust or romantic fervor, just a simple desire for Kiku to see the possibility of a future.

He felt Kiku's arms relax and let go of them, putting his arms around Kiku's waist instead. As he pulled Kiku closer, Arthur felt him grab the front of his jacket. "I-I don't understand," Kiku whispered as they separated.

"I don't want to lose you. I won't leave you again, I promise. I can't imagine the future without you, so please, don't ever say anything like that again."

Kiku looked at him for a few moments, almost as if he were in shock as he tried to process the information. Then he smiled. "I understand now, Arthur-san." Kiku leaned up against him, resting his head on Arthur's chest.

Arthur brushed a piece of away from his forehead, pressing his lips against the skin underneath.

Kiku looked up at him and reached up and placed his hand on the side of Arthur's face. He closed his eyes and leaned up to kiss him. As Arthur leaned down, a spot of red on his shirt caught his eye.

"Kiku, you're still bleeding." He took Kiku's hand and turned his arm over, looking at the cuts caused by the ceramic shards of the yunomi.

Kiku's eyes widened and he turned to look back at the table. "I should clean that up."

"Let's take care of these cuts first." Arthur stood up, but didn't let go of Kiku's hand. "And I'll make you some more tea."

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, I'm not really thinking straight at the moment," he said, as Arthur pulled him to his feet. He was stable, but his legs were shaking a bit.

"Are you alright? Can you walk?"

"As long as I can lean on you, Arthur-san."

"Always." Arthur put an arm around Kiku, supporting him as they walked together into kitchen.


End file.
